In the time since I was last on BMB I have been working on a really secretive project in which I reveal I was sleeping with Princess Diana and Prince Charles, and neither of them were aware of it. Anyway, more serious news; Abu Dhabi, which, as the IHT rightly points out didn’t exist 20 years ago, has secured deals with a raft of leading media organisations to set up shop in the middle of the Middle East. Abu Dhabi, or as the locals call it Abu Dah-ling, began life as an oil well and then an oil drill and finally an oil refinery. Now they’re getting rid of the oil men in favour of an even dirtier set of professionals – journalists from the BBC, CNN, the Financial Times as well as the company formerly known as Reuters and now called something else and Rueters.
For me Abu Dhabi is like a familiar smelling toilet. From the word go I was taking wrong turns and one of my debutant jobs was covering the camel beat for Hello Camel! - a now defunct magazine on the who’s who in the camel world. Many people might not be aware but up until a few decades ago camels ruled the Middle East. I was based just outside Dhabi, quite close to Abu, and my beat consisted of keeping up to date with the notoriously patriarchal and secretive world of the camel elite. While stationed in the dunes I got to know both Abu and Dhabi quite well. I often contributed to International Journal of Sand Castles trying to keep myself amused. Camels, as you’ll appreciate can be quite humpy subjects and the trick is to treat them like your local shopkeeper; friendly yet snooty. Of course the BBC et les autres are only there for the tax, terrorism and tanning and while they did consult me about moving back – I just couldn’t take eating sand filled sandwiches anymore.
In other news Peaches keeps pleading with me to do a piece on her sleeping rough in Chelsea for a whole night. Peaches – fuck off in the best possible way. LOL
